Being single has its fair share of challenges which include third wheeling, listening to your friends rant about what he/she did and having to deal with being horny while in a relationship …just to name a few.
I have been privileged to be that single friend for a while now and these are some of the lessons I’ve learnt
- Never tell your friend what to do. When your friend comes to ask for advice its better to just listen and ask them what outcome they seek. The only advice you should give them is to do the things consistent with the outcomes they seek. Do not tell your friends what to do if you really love them and don’t want them to do the opposite. Thank me later.
- Nobody can build you up. It’s crazy how guys delegate their responsibility for growth to another individual. “I want someone who will build me up” (I’ve done this one too). This is unfortunate hogwash because you are actually saying that you are an incomplete person who just wants to take advantage of a person who is more mature than yourself for some selfish need. It really is unfair to make someone take the responsibility for your own stuff.
- Love can inspire you… a lot. Whenever I see great couples, they seem like two eyes on the same head of an eagle. Partners. It’s always cool to see individuals who are great by themselves come together and create something even better.
- Settling is bullsh*t. We all know that couple that have compromised a lot because of some particular reason. Whether it’s because they believe that they can change someone or some hidden fear they have. As a friend, you sometimes see what settling is doing to them and their lives but this is where rule no 1 applies, do not give advice because as much as they won’t admit it, people don’t like being told what to do and its probably none of your business.
- Kids are expensive. Whenever I look at my friends who have kids, I can’t help but wonder “how do you afford this kid when you still have the same income?”. The hospital bills, the diapers, the school fees… maybe I’m the one who is terrified by the prospect of having kids when I can’t provide for them sufficiently.
- There is no formula for a successful relationship. It’s like an endless guess work loop where you continuously figure out stuff and grow. I’m always shocked when the perfect couple breaks up and the controversial one keeps pushing on. You really can’t know how the future will turn out
- Relationships can change you for the better or for worse. It’s crazy how we sometimes don’t consider the fact that a partner will affect our mindset, our decision making when it comes to issues such as money and health plus how we end up in the long term. The quote “show me which kibanda you eat at and I’ll tell you who you are” really is true. Remember how you took up your partners weird slang after a while? What makes you think you are immune to their good and bad habits?
- The grass is never greener. I have been single for a while and sometimes I can’t help but envy my friends who have awesome relationships. I’m always like “I have to hassle to get a text reply, I have to labor to start the process of getting to know someone again or I still have to hold in my farts for months on end because you can’t fart when in the honeymoon phase (that’s true, right?) its always a surprise when I listen to my friends in relationships say “its overrated” or “you’re lucky to have that freedom”. It is kind of confusing really.
- Bae is not short for bacon. Who knew?
- Love as depicted in the movies is a lie. The idea that most of us have of love is similar to that of an awesome movie trailer. Fast paced, all the best parts are mashed up and energetic. That’s a terrible lie. Love is that seemingly boring movie which has an awesome story-line which captivates others and ends up winning an Oscar, leaving people asking “that’s a great movie?” The truth is, it exposes us to our weakest side…. The side which we hide from the world and it pushes us to continuously grow in many ways that are uncomfortable.
I’d like to say thanks to all my friends who are in awesome relationships for inspiring this. Ill join you on the other side one day.